im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
