im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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