I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
