I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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