we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
