I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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