All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
