birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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