shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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