Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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