Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
