I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
