yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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