Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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