you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
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checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
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Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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