Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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