Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
