he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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