we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
