i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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