I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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