i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize