I'm eating all of the evidence.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
