This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
