you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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