so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
