dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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