Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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