How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
