he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
