like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
