wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
