Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
