So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
