Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
