This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
