Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just had sex bonerless
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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