I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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