Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
