god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
