this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
