Well apparently he's into motor boating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
