doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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