where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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