I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
