I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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