i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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