there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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