I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
