he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
