I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
