Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
