it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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