Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
