Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize