best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
