I'm really into asian looking animals
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I need to calm my uterus...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
