You're so nebulous sometimes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
