Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
