Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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