i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my poor anus
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
