I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
