you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
