Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
