I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
