the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
