By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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