Cold hands, warm shart.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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