Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
